2019 you have been intense and more life-changing I could have ever imagined!
It started the year with my sister in Brazil in the most dreamy island Boipeba.
I then went back to Paris to study and took my final exams while getting ready for my upcoming adventure in New Zealand – in other words moving out from my flat in Paris and packing up for one year (with the help of some amazing friends).
I also visited my family in Poland and the French Riviera to say goodbye and I arrived in New Zealand at the end of January to start my new job, my end of studies’ internship and to write my masters thesis.
While this might be pictured like the dream life with so many travels and adventures – and I was convinced it was – it appeared to be way too much for my dear human envelop.
The thing is I started binging when I returned from Brazil and it only got worse and worse when I arrived in New Zealand.
When I say binging I mean eating disproportionate amounts of food when I wasn’t hungry on the the top of a balanced meal. Like if it was my task and I couldn’t not stop thinking about it until it was done.
From there I started questioning myself on the reasons that might have led there. I just couldn’t understand WHY this was happening when I had all I wanted in life and everything was going for the best.
Almost one year after and with another perspective I now understand that I am an not unlimited and you are not either if you’re still reading me 😉
It makes sense that it was just too much. We are just humans. Not computers. And even machines need some power and battery to work. In a society that encourages and rewards you for being busy, I had to take the responsibility to press « stop » and face the reality of a tangible health issue.
I am not blaming the past, I am just learning from it for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t repeat it but I wouldn’t change it if I could.
Today, December 2020 I couldn’t give a full recipe of my healing journey. What I remember though is that I focused on slowing it down, taking it easy, do not compensating with some intense exercise or dieting and loving myself unconditionally. It was hard sometimes, easier some days. It was a long, a very long process. And know that I still carry these patterns within me.
But today I consider myself as healed. I do not binge anymore and I THANK God for that. I still see coaches and counsellors to help me let go of what’s left of this pattern. The way I dealt with my body image and relationship during an eating disorder phase is a whole other topic and I will probably talk about it in another blogpost.
So here I am saying goodbye to the Old and welcoming the New. I welcome a balanced life where healthy and active lifestyle (loads of yoga, running, hikes, travels, good sleep, yummy and feel good food) , social life (friends and fam are life!) and work (starting my new job in Brussels Feb 1st) collide and that make space for some…TIME OFF 😀 Welcome 2020 !
As I end this blog post, I just wanted you to know to know if you’re you suffering of eating disorders that there is a way out. Speak out and seek for help. There is nothing to be ashamed about as everyone has their demons. Please never give up!
And if you are someone who’s not personally affected I am glad you red this article anyway as this is still a tabou topic that needs more awareness.
Finally, I wanted to aknowledge all the beautiful souls – places – landscapes – moments – cafés – countries – achievements – challenges that still made 2019 the BEST year of my life.